There's a bit of flair on my Frigidaire

This is a photograph of me with my refrigerator... which is possibly a strange thing to document, but I'm just gonna put it out there that my refrigerator is better than yours.

It's a blunt statement, I know, but I am more than willing to support WHY my refrigerator is better than yours. Believe me, it has absolutely nothing to do with my ice maker because my ice maker doesn't even make ice. I buy ice in a bag from the grocery store so that my ice maker can dispense it for me.

Anyway... back to why the refrigerator is great.

One reason my refrigerator is great is because it has pictures on it. There's really no rhyme or reason to the pictures that appear on the refrigerator, and I understand that a lot of refrigerators across America (and probably the world) also have pictures on them, but I have some good pictures. I've got a photograph of Buddy and Nate and me in front of the Class of 2016's Homecoming float (which won, by the way) back in... 2013, I believe?

I've got a selfie with my other mother Amy and her daughter/my dear friend Biz, taken on the evening of Biz's wedding. I mean, no one knew it was a wedding -- we thought it was a birthday celebration -- but whatever. It was a surprise wedding and it was really fun.

There's a photograph of my former work friends Kristen and Jori (they're still my friends, we just don't work together anymore) from when we toured Troegs and another of me with Agatha Wags, my second Airedale. Truly, she's probably my favorite dog ever. I'll write a blog about Wags another night though.

There's a picture of me catching the bouquet at my friend Heather's wedding in Oregon. (Still single, FYI. That "catching the bouquet" thing is a myth...)

My favorite picture is one of my mom and Pip and me. It was taken at one of my Ho! Ho! Ho! X-rated Xmas parties. My mom came over to judge the dance-off. Pip wore pink leggings, the most absurd boots to ever exist, a leopard-print shirt, and a feather boa.

Pip's got some art on the fridge too. (Side note: My mom doesn't like the word "fridge" because it has a D in it and the word "refrigerator" does not have a D in it. I therefore avoid using the word "fridge" as a result. I mean, at least in writing. In speaking, I don't worry too much about it... even though my mom sees the word in her head. But, again: I think that should be its own blog.)

My magnets are funny. The fifties-lookin' ladies are probably my favorite. Here's their conversation on the way to wherever it is they're going: "Who is this 'Moderation' we're supposed to be drinking with?"

I saved the card that came with the flowers my friends sent after my last breakup. There was a poem and it said, "Roses are red / Violets are blue / We hate [insert name here] / But we sure do love you!" My other friend Kristin (Kristin with an I-N, not E-N; Kristin and I have never worked together, but we have a special connection despite this -- and we really would make excellent coworkers) wrote that. Isn't it good? I know. That's why I saved it.

Some other quotes that I've saved are:

• "My life got so much easier once my mom told me that you can bake pretty much everything at 375." -Chris (who read The Way Back!), 11.7.2015

• "I mean, I can make an egg salad." -Kathy, 10.3.2019

• "Your mother has given me words of wisdom, and one of them is 'Why can't people eat birdseed?'" -Aunt Karen, 7.5.2018

• "We shared five bottles of wine and all I know is that the second bottle was my favorite." -Amy, date unknown... along with all the good wines

• "Disney Channel movies got me messed up. I thought by my senior year of high school I'd be tall and hairy... have a cool girlfriend..." -Nate, 7.8.2015

• "I have a dog and a cat, so I'm a little worried about the crockpot thing." -Steph, 11.25.2014

• In regards to making out: "I'd rather make broccoli-cheddar soup." -Annie

D'you know what else I have on my refrigerator? An old-school calendar because that's how my head works. Wanna make plans with me? I'm down... but let me check the calendar on my refrigerator before I make something official. (This actually reminds me that I need to confer with said calendar and send some possible dates to Pennsylvania Heather -- not Oregon Heather -- because Pennsylvania Heather and I have a REALLY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT that I'll make some other time. It'll definitely be its own blog.)

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P.S. Did you pick up on the fact that I was halfway-but-not-totally quoting Shel Silverstein in the title of this blog post? For those who may not know, that's an allusion. Look it up if you don't believe me.